Sunday, December 13

My Dearest Mayapolis Papaya Janssen (puppy),

You are the best. You don't bark, you don't tear stuff up (anymore), you don't go potty in the house (anymore), and you generally don't smell much different than any other dog. However, and I don't want to sound unappreciative but, if the atomic bomb were a fart, it would be yours. They are, honest to God, the most horrendous thing I have ever smelled in my life. I am amazed that with one of the best sniffers in the animal kingdom you don't just go catatonic and die when one is unleashed. Seriously. You sit there and look at us like your insides didn't just rot and make their way out as vapors.

We have been woken from a dead sleep because of them, we have rolled down every window in the car in the dead of winter because of them and most recently been reduced to dry heaving and praying for our baby's life because of them. This condition should have been listed when you were adopted.

Be sure we still love you though, even though we sometimes look at you in disgust.


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