Thursday, December 31
Monday, December 28
Saturday, December 26
Monday, December 21
Tuesday, December 15
Monday, December 14
Sunday, December 13
Saturday, December 12
Friday, December 11
You are way too chatty. The last twelve million times you’ve rung me up I have not wanted a Target card …I do not want one today, I am not going to enter in any code on any kiosk anywhere…ever and if you reprimand me one more time for sliding my card from left to right as opposed to right to left…Well, I’ll have to Judo chop you in the throat.
I am not the one,
Also added to your list of offenses, you did not redeem my $1 instant coupon for that pregnancy test so now not only am I knocked up but I am also out a dollar. You are ruthless!!
You don’t know this but I am not a mom yet, therefore I do not have the super awesome super power of having eyes in the back of my head. That being said when I’m walking backwards pulling a 300lb cart you might not want to have your ginormous backpack chillin’ in the middle of the aisle. Capeesh? I would have told you this had my hormones not been out of whack requiring me to go cry in the bathroom for five minutes following my near death experience.
No you can’t have another water,
First of all I have to say that I have always been proud of you, all perky and awesome and perfect. But lately you’ve been different: you’re not fitting into any of the cute bras you have, you’re kind of being hurtful and easily irritated and let’s be honest you’re really kind of letting yourself go. I fear that the worst is yet to come but have no fear. Should you end up where you don’t belong I fully intend to place you where God intended…right under my chin.
So long for now,
What happened to us? We used to have a great relationship, or at least one that I understood. But lately you’ve become, well…a bit needy. Calling me all the time, sometimes for absolutely no reason at all and often multiple times an hour. Today was the last straw my friend. I SPECIFICALLY did not stop to get my normal Starbucks on the way to the dog park so that I wouldn’t have to deal with you, and what happened? The Port-a-John. Now this is where I draw the line. Even without being pregnant that thing is an assault on all my senses. So, snap out of it, you are being pushed around by a baby the size of an apple seed!!